


Silence isn’t always golden

by LazySundayMusings



Category: Peter Kay's Car Share (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-17 02:40:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 8,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15451566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LazySundayMusings/pseuds/LazySundayMusings
Summary: There’s always something new to learn about someone, even in the closest relationship.Set sometime between the end of S2x01 and the start of S2x02.





	1. What is it about Mondays?

Six hours of sleep was the bare minimum John needed to be a functional human being. This morning the alarm had woken him after just three hours, and so far the four Nurofen had barely made an impact on the dull pain behind his eyes and the ringing in his ears.  
Kayleigh had also not slept well. She’d knocked her elbow against the cross-trainer in the middle of the night despite the room not being dark enough to sleep properly, and navigating the still-unfamiliar rituals of the small-but-packed Bury household had taken the shine off the morning. The sight of the red Fiat outside gave some relief and she quickly said her ‘Bye, bye, bye, bye, byes’ and rushed out to free John from Steve’s clutches. Once in the car they swapped their sob stories - each receiving sympathetic noises from the other - and agreed that a quiet trip in would help them both deal with the ‘Monday-ness’ of it all.

The quiet-car plan was working well - until they got to the first of the schools along the way, where they had to stop while a group of pre-teen students and a twenty-something-year-old used the crossing.

John growled.  
“Typical. Having to wait while some guy uses the kids’ crossing.”  
“Why is this such a big deal to you? He is allowed to, it sets a good example to kids to see an adult crossing safely, and it costs you nothing to wait an extra 15 seconds.”  
“I shouldn’t have to wait at all. It shouldn’t be allowed.”  
“You’re getting all wound up over nothing. Did you not have your vitamins this morning?”  
“I don’t need vitamins - I need this prick to get out of the way.”

Kayleigh turned in her seat to face him.  
“Why? You weren’t late before, you’re not late now. Why is it so important that you get to where you’re going before he does?”

John was now massaging his temples - the pain was building again.  
“Because I’m management. Got to make a good impression, be seen doing it first and better, lead from the front, make a difference.”  
She snorted. “More hoopty.”  
“While that guy probably sweeps floors for a living.”  
“How arrogant! Wearing a suit doesn’t make a person more worthy than someone who works with their hands. Do you service your own car? No - you take it to a mechanic, someone who does the actual job, not some self-promoting ‘leader’ who mainly does paperwork.”

John waved a hand in the air, dismissively. “You don’t get it - you’re just...” his voice trailed off when he realised what he’d started to say.

“I’m just... what? Just one of the staff? Just a promotions girl? Just a prop to help sell overpriced cheese and shit?”  
“No - that’s not...”  
“Me and the other ‘just staff’ are the ones that make the store work. Without us there is no store, and no need for managers either. When was the last time a manager did something other than paperwork or throw their weight around? Something that actually resulted in customers paying money for something? Was it before you started wearing the suit?” She stopped, her eyes widening as she realised what she’d just said.

“John, I...”  
“Don’t.”

Silence.


	2. Double standards and private conversations

The silence was shattered by the long blast of a car horn from behind them.   
“Fucking hell!” John quickly got the Fiat moving, at the same time giving a meek ‘sorry’ wave in the rear-view mirror. The driver behind responded with a raised middle finger and two more blasts of the horn. “What an arsehole! What’s his hurry? Can’t even wait two seconds?!”

Kayleigh’s embarrassment at her own words instantly switched to anger at hearing his outburst. “Fucking double standards! Typical man!” she thought, folding her arms even tighter and twisting in her seat to glare out of the window. The pounding in his head meant John was oblivious both to what he’d said and her reaction. His focus was on the road ahead, attempting to control his breathing, trying to calm his heartbeat. Fortunately the traffic was free-flowing and by the time he’d stopped in his parking space the pain was tolerable again. Engine off, he rested his head on the steering wheel, breathing slowly with his eyes closed. Kayleigh got out without a word. She briefly considered slamming the door but thought better of it.

John took a few minutes to further relax then checked the time. He wasn’t yet due at his desk so took the opportunity to visit the nearby pharmacy for stronger painkillers. Two of those with cold water plus walking slowly in the fresh air was enough to start numbing the pain. He headed into the store bathroom to splash some cold water on his face. At that moment Dave Thompson walked in.

“John - there you are.” He noted the pharmacy branding on the paper bag by the sinks. “Oh - are you all right?”  
“Will be” replied John. “Bad head”.  
“OK... well, when you feel up to it come and see me. Take your time.”

15 minutes later John walked into Dave’s office and closed the door.  
“John - how would you like the opportunity to work some really shit hours?”  
“Eh?”  
“Kevin Harrison in Area Office has asked for new names to take on the local early-start role for a week or so, sometime in the next few months. Are you up for it? It would be a good look for you, taking on some Area-level tasks as well as your work here in the store.”  
“Just how shit would the hours be?”  
“Starting between 5:30 and 6 am, depending on the store. Usually finish just after 1, sometimes 2 at the latest. You’ll be given one of the work cars with a fuel card so only have to fill in the log book each trip.”  
John rubbed his chin.  
Dave pushed a sheet of paper across the desk towards John. “That’s the memo from Kevin with the details and some possible dates. Think about it and let me know if you’re interested. No rush.”

Elsie and Janine Cosgrove were looking daggers at each other across the staff room when Kayleigh walked in. She waved to Elsie and said “Hi Janine - Simon has the claim forms you were wanting.”  
“Great - thanks love” said Janine, and with a final glare at Elsie she was gone.  
“Claim forms?” asked Elsie.  
“Medical claim forms. For her nose. You know. From when you belted her.”  
Elsie growled. “I should have done more than that...”  
“Elsie! You were lucky you only lost a weeks’ pay and not your job. You know that Dave Thompson would have liked nothing more than to make a huge fuss of kicking you out.”  
Another growl.   
“I mean it Elsie - not another word. I don’t think John can save your job a second time.”  
Elsie’s eyes widened. “John? John Redmond saved my job? Well, well. Wait - how do you know?”  
“Shit. You’ve done it now.” thought Kayleigh.


	3. Confessions and misunderstandings

Kayleigh took a breath. “OK. We were driving home and Dave Thompson rang and they talked about the fight and the disciplinary meeting and how John convinced Dave not to sack you. And I wasn’t supposed to hear any of it. And you’re not supposed to know either.”

“Well now,” said Elsie, “I will have to thank Mr John Redmond personally.”  
Kayleigh didn’t dare to think what that might involve.  
“No! Look - you can’t say anything. You’re not meant to know, remember? John made me promise not to say anything about it. Except I just have. So please don’t say - or do - anything.”  
Elsie nodded. “All right then - my lips are sealed.” She glanced at the clock. “Here - we’d best get back.” and they walked out of the room.

At that moment John emerged from Dave’s office, the memo in his hand and their conversation still playing in his head. More on automatic than anything, he looked blankly around - not registering that Elsie and Kayleigh were less that 10 feet away - then headed to his own office.

Elsie looked at Kayleigh. “What is going on? He just looked through you like you weren’t even there.”  
Kayleigh shrugged. “I don’t know. We had an argument on the way in, but I didn’t expect... that.”  
Elsie frowned. “How strange - that man runs hot and cold.” A pause. “Come on”.

By 10:15 John’s headache was well and truly tamed. With no immediate side-effects from the painkillers - “Bloody good stuff, that” - he was back to his normal self. Nearly. Once his head had cleared he’d spent some time thinking about the drive in, specifically what he’d said while waiting at the crossing and how Kayleigh had responded. He had been angry at the time but now realised that what she’d said was basically true. But right now he had a premises-check to complete in preparation for the next Fire Service review, a task that would take a good couple of hours and allow him to avoid Kayleigh’s usual aisle space until he thought she’d be at lunch. It should also be enough time for John to work on the apology he now knew she deserved.

Kayleigh’s day hadn’t improved. The drive in had been frosty, she felt she’d been snubbed by John while she was with Elsie earlier, most of the customers had been indifferent to her Dunkers-deals and now she was increasingly suspicious that John was actively avoiding her. This was cemented in her mind when she returned from lunch and Elsie told her John had appeared out of nowhere as soon as she’d headed into the lunch room. “He was looking around at everything, making lots of notes in his little clipboard then rushed away before you got back.”   
“How pathetic.” thought Kayleigh.  
“What do you think he was doing, then?” asked Elsie.  
“I don’t know.” Kayleigh sighed. “And I don’t care.”

The next time they saw each other was at the Fiat after work. John was ready and waiting with an apology but when she neither smiled nor waved he decided to stick to a simple “Hi” and they headed off.  
A few minutes later he felt brave enough to speak. “Here - I just wanted to say...” but she cut him off with “Can you not? I just want to get home and forget that today ever happened. Please.”  
He replied simply with “OK” and the trip continued in silence.

She was already unbuckling the seat belt as he pulled up outside the Bury house, pausing only to say “Bye” while getting out and then walking towards the front door. All without looking at him.

“Oh. Maybe she’ll feel like talking tomorrow.” John thought as he drove away.

Mandy and Steve had been inside at the window and nudged each other when the Fiat arrived. But they weren’t expecting to see it leave immediately, and just looked at each other as Kayleigh walked in and headed upstairs with only a brief nod towards them.  
“Oh, not again.” Mandy whispered. “What is it with those two?”  
Steve just shrugged.


	4. Cold war

John had been wrong.  
It was now Thursday and for the third morning in a row he’d arrived in Bury to find Kayleigh waiting outside, arms folded with a stony expression and in no mood to talk apart from a forced “Morning”. He didn’t let her attitude stop him from smiling and waving to Steve as they left, though he did refrain from saying anything during the trip in. His initial attempts at small-talk on the Tuesday morning had been met with a combination of exasperated snorts and sighs until she finally snapped back “I’m not interested” and he realised the effort just wasn’t worth it. Their next trips were accompanied by Forever FM turned up just enough to fill the silence, taking the edge off the atmosphere that wasn’t exactly hostile but certainly wasn’t friendly.  
Even the sight of an open-shirted Ted2 in the carpark wasn’t enough to prompt any reaction from Kayleigh, a point that both pleased John (her open appreciation of Ted2’s physique was making him feel increasingly self-conscious) and saddened him (as she was obviously suppressing her natural exuberance). Making it worse was his knowledge that she was her usual bubbly self with customers and workmates, highlighting that her cold attitude was reserved just for him.

This morning though, she didn’t just get out with a curt “Thank you” and walk quickly away. She looked sideways at him and said “Can we not be late tonight please - I’m going out with Mandy and don’t want to make her wait”. He returned the look, nodded and said “Of course.” “Thank you” she replied and was gone.  
John reflected on how formal their conversation had suddenly become while he counted down from thirty - to create a suitable distance between them - then headed inside.

 

It was now 5:15 and Kayleigh was pacing up and down beside the Fiat, obviously agitated. When John walked out the staff-only door she stopped pacing and stood there with her arms folded. She could see that he was talking on his cellphone, smiling and occasionally laughing as he walked briskly towards her. When he was within 10 feet of the car she held her hands in the air, then pointed to the phone and said “Could you not be chatting to one of your mates right now? You knew I can’t be late home tonight.” He stopped, his eyes narrowed and then he moved the phone away from his ear and touched the screen. A voice started coming through the speaker “... so we’ll looking at bringing in the new stock lines from next Tuesday. Does that fit with your plans John?” He replied with “Sorry Ken, I missed that last part... traffic is starting to build up here. Could you say it again please?” all while looking at at Kayleigh with a neutral expression.  
“No bother, John” came the voice through the speaker. “We’re also looking at options for cheap coffee makers to go in Non-Foods...” The voice stopped abruptly as John touched the screen again and brought the phone back to his ear, all while continuing to look at her. Looking slightly embarrassed, she opened her mouth, paused then quietly said “Sorry - look, you’re still busy so I’ll just get the tram” to which John nodded once then turned his head away slightly and looked at his feet. She stood there a moment, then turned and walked towards the main exit.  
John lifted his eyes and watched her go. A few minutes later the conversation ended and he headed back inside to find Dave Thompson.

At 6:50 that evening John received a text from Kayleigh saying “I have an appointment tomorrow morning so I’ll make my own way in”.  
“Sure you do” he thought, before responding simply with “right”.

 

That Friday, mid-morning:

Kayleigh was working her magic with the customers, using her smile to boost sales of the cheesy dips on the display stand when she was approached by Cath Hilton who took her aside.  
“Kayleigh, I’m sorry for the short notice but we have to suspend the car-sharing arrangement between John and yourself for two weeks, starting on Monday.”  
“Oh. Is there a problem?”  
“Not a problem as such, but John has been rostered on for different hours and will be moving around different stores when needed.”  
“Could I not just change my hours to match his?  
“No. He will be starting at 6 am for two weeks, sometimes earlier, and sometimes in a different store. You’ll continue to start here at 9 am each day.”  
“I see. Right”.  
“And he’s just been called over to the Stockport store, a last-minute request to meet some suppliers and isn’t expected back at all today”.  
“Oh.”

 

That Friday, early-afternoon:

The meeting at the Stockport store had gone well, with a good outcome for both sides and the added bonus that John was able to get home shortly after 2 pm. Sensing an opportunity to have a domestics-free weekend, John set to work with the vacuum then finished all his must-do washing before sitting back with a fresh brew and a small plate of biscuits. Once the work car was dropped off he took the time to set up the little Polo as best he could - “Good thing the steering wheel adjusts” - and reviewed some extra details Dave left for him. But as the afternoon dragged into the early evening, John found little to enjoy. The pasta meal-for-one was runny and tasteless, his planner was empty, Sky seemed to only have repeats and the light rain made it feel like the walls were closing in. And when YouTube couldn’t hold his attention he gave up and went to bed. It was barely past 9 o’clock.

 

That Friday, early-evening:

Mandy had arranged to meet Kayleigh where she usually swapped the tram for the bus, and together they chose takeaways from three different places then drove home. The mix of food was a hit and the extended family sat down for an enjoyable meal, entertained by the TV. Once Chloe and Alfie went to bed the adults poured themselves a couple of drinks and proceeded to solve all the world’s problems. Everything except the situation between Kayleigh and John. Kayleigh had made it clear that topic was strictly off-limits.  
They declared the world ‘saved’ just before 1 am when the wine ran out.


	5. Exile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is now early on Wednesday evening of the following week and it’s the third day that they have travelled separately.

John had gone to Paul’s home for dinner. Afterwards the brothers were talking outside by John’s car as he prepared to leave.  
Paul took his chance to have a last dig at John. “So... how’s the car-sharing going? Things all right then?”  
“No. We’re not even talking. Well, only at work and only if we have to.”  
“Oh. What’s happened then?”  
“We were talking about something on the way in and I said something and she just wound herself up over it then went off at me. I can accept people getting upset about things, but I won’t put up with someone telling me that I have no business having an opinion of my own.”  
“Right... how long’s this gone on for?”  
“Since last Monday.”  
“A week? Over an argument? Could you not just offer a pretend-apology to try and smooth things over?”  
“Why? We’re not married. I don’t have to do anything. Anyway, it’s a now a non-issue because I’m working odd hours for two weeks - start early, finish early - meaning we’re effectively on different shifts. She makes her own way to work and back home, I drive in and out when I want to and in actual peace rather than getting the silent treatment.”  
“Does that mean you’ve dropped out of the car-share scheme?”  
“No - Dave Thompson approved my change of working hours so I keep my parking space. Plus I’ve got a work car. I’m gold.”  
“Only for another week or so. Then you’ll have to sort something out. Then you two will have to talk. One of you needs to make the first move.”  
“When she decides to talk I’ll listen.”  
“Except you’ve arranged it so that it’s impossible for you to talk. And how does it help things that you’ve basically forced her to go by bus and tram twice a day as punishment for not agreeing with you?”  
“I’ve done nothing of the sort. If there wasn’t a car-share scheme she might be doing that anyway. And these early starts aren’t exactly a picnic for me.”  
“In other words, you volunteered for 2 weeks of early starts, just to avoid having to talk to your girlfriend. Do you know how petty that sounds?”  
“She’s not my girlfriend, all right? Look, I’m trying to make a good impression here by doing early starts to oversee the first deliveries and making sure the stores are ready for opening. I figure that putting myself out like this will get the attention of the Area office, and maybe that’ll open some doors for me. I’ve been stuck as an ‘assistant’ to Dave for too long. Why shouldn’t I take the chance to move ahead at work?”  
“This is not about work - you basically hate that job. This is about your pride and about you not wanting to come out of your ‘safe place’ to have an honest conversation with Kayleigh - and you know it. Besides, what you’re doing isn’t going to sort one of the fundamental problems with all this.”  
“Which is?”  
“That you’re a fucking idiot.”

 

The brothers faced each other in silence, John with an angry expression and fists clenched by his sides, Paul with a neutral expression and arms folded. Paul spoke first.  
“Don’t bother glaring at me - it won’t work. I’m not one of your staff. And lose the fists.”  
John didn’t react.  
Paul took a step forward. “Seriously - lose the fists. We both know you’re not going to try anything stupid.”  
John stuck out his chin. “Sure of that, are you?”  
Paul’s voice took on a harder edge. “Yes - because you know that you won’t win.”  
John briefly tensed, then he looked resigned, his hands relaxed and his shoulders sagged.  
Paul continued, his voice softer - “And I know that you’re better than this.”

John looked at Paul, surprised at what he was hearing. Paul stepped closer and put his hands on John’s shoulders.  
“John - just hear me out. From what you’ve said, from what I’ve seen, what we’ve all seen - this woman clearly means something to you...”  
“I’ve told ya - she’s not my girlfriend” John interrupted.  
“I didn’t say she was,” said Paul, this time with a smile, “but she’s not just someone at work either. You cart her all round the countryside taking her to and from work, you tell her all manner of personal stuff then gossip about God know what, and now you listen to her crap radio station.” He made a face.  
“She’s not my girlfriend.” John repeated.  
“I’m not finished. You had a tiff one morning. Did you force her to get a new buddy? No. You basically imposed a ‘time out’ on yourselves by staying away from her, by making things incredibly inconvenient for yourself, by arranging to start work all over the place at a time when God and His angels are still sleeping. Kayleigh’s situation hasn’t changed at all. Well - apart from having to sit with the ‘great unwashed’ on public transport twice a day.”

Paul took his hands off John’s shoulders and stood beside him. John looked thoughtful.

“Thing is,” said Paul, “we don’t usually put ourselves out like that for someone we don’t care about. You’re doing crap hours for another week, right? Use the time to sort your head out. And then go talk to her. Properly.”


	6. A different perspective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thursday morning

Things were still a bit tense after Paul’s scathing summary of John’s situation and behaviour the previous night, but had lightened somewhat once Paul trotted out his usual threat to “... tell Nana on you and she’ll sort you out - do you really want that?” to which John had given his usual reply of “No. I do not”. 

John hadn’t slept well. He’d repeatedly run through the conversation with Paul in his mind, each time failing to convince himself that Paul was wrong. And now, with just three hours’ sleep he was pulling on his jacket and preparing to head out on the pre-dawn roads, this time to Wigan. During the Skype call two days prior Ian Litchfield had looked surprised when John told him what was being planned but then just shrugged it off with “If you do it then I won’t have to - I could do with the sleep-in” and promised to buy John breakfast once he got in.

John arrived at Wigan in good time. As he’d suspected, Litchy was still in the ‘be seen making a difference’ phase as a relatively new manager so had been cracking the whip. Unbeknownst to John he’d also inferred to the early-starter team that John was essentially doing an on-site inspection for Area office (“He’s visiting every store around here, remember?”) with the result that they were particularly efficient that morning. John’s contribution was therefore limited to signing-off checklists, observing and keeping out of their way - none of which was a new skill he could add to his CV.   
The breakfast turned out to be the best part of the morning. Litchy’s attempt to wind up John about his ‘bed-sharing buddy’ was cut short by John simply saying “Not today please, mate” at which point the conversation became all-business. In the next fifteen minutes - helped along by the extra bacon on their plates - they had a completely unfiltered conversation about most aspects of their work during which Litchy passed on a few truths about the state of the business plus some insights into the actual role of the store manager that Dave Thompson would not necessarily share. Soon after, Ian excused himself with a handshake and a grin - “Can’t let them find out that they can get along without me!” - leaving John alone with his tea and his thoughts.

With no need to be anywhere in particular, John took the opportunity to take a look around the local shops - picking up a Dairy Box for his Nan - and then had an easy drive back to the store. By 11:30 he was at his desk having already had his lunch in the empty staff cafeteria. Dave Thompson came in.   
“John, listen - change of plans. Every store has early-start cover through to next Tuesday so you’re back on your standard hours tomorrow. Get Mark to run you home later. Next early-start is in Stockport next Wednesday.”


	7. Spring thaw

At 2:30 John was back in the empty staff cafeteria, passing the time with a book while waiting for his lift home. He was facing away from the door so didn’t see Kayleigh walk in to a get a drink from the vending machine. She picked up her bottle from the chute, looked at him silently for a moment then slowly walked towards him, approaching from behind. “Hi there, stranger.” she said.   
John looked up from his book and turned in his chair towards her. The corners of his eyes crinkled as he smiled warmly before quietly saying “Hello. How are you?”  
“All right, yeah. You? Keeping out of trouble then?”  
“So far.” He covered a yawn. “Excuse me.”   
“Past your bedtime is it?” she said with a smile. “Heard you were doing early starts all over the place. How’s that been?”  
John sniffed. “Knackering. The 6 o’clock starts aren’t too bad, but the 4:30 starts? I don’t know how they do it every day. They breed them tough in Warrington.”  
She smiled again. “So I hear.”  
They were quiet for a moment, a moment broken by a voice from outside the door.  
“Excuse me Mr Redmond - I’ve got the car outside, are you ready to go?”  
“Thank you Mark - I’ll be with you in just a minute.” John answered, turning to collect his book then standing and putting on his jacket. Then he noticed the confused look on Kayleigh’s face.  
“I’m back here on normal hours for a few days so can’t take the work car tonight - but they’re giving me a lift home. Better than a taxi. Much better than the bus”.  
“Oh yeah. So you’re back properly for three days?”  
“Hmmm” he replied, covering another yawn.. “Proper sleep and everything.”  
She stood silently, watching his face, waiting. And saw his expression change.  
“So... um... since I’m back now, maybe I could give you lifts again.” He looked down. “If you want.”  
“Oh... thing is, I’ve managed to get a ride part of the way with Janine in the mornings.”  
”Right. Well, that’s... handy.” replied John.  
“It is... but a lift home would be nice. If that’s no bother.”  
“Sure.” he nodded. “No bother at all.”

From his vantage point outside the door Mark clearly caught the look between them at that moment. More telling was that they both smiled once they weren’t facing each other. “What do you know, ” he thought, “maybe Elsie is right about those two. Well - Elsie and the Deli team, the warehouse team, HR, that guy who stinks of fish, everyone on checkout, butchery...”


	8. First steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friday morning

“Oh no.” John had forgotten to reset his alarm the previous night and it had dutifully screamed at him at 4:30. He’d reset it to 7 am in hope but it was no good. Time for the old standby. “All right YouTube - amuse me.”

It seemed strange to be driving to work in daylight again. Having woken up early, and with no Bury-diversion he’d done his usual walk-through of the store and was at his desk before 7:30, sizing up the mound of files and folders that was waiting for him. He knew he’d been tired yesterday, but wasn’t convinced the files-mound was quite that big when he’d left for the day.

 

As John pondered his paperwork Kayleigh was watching the world go by from her seat on the bus. A seat that was rip- and stain-free, which was pleasing. She hadn’t been as fortunate every trip while she hadn’t been travelling with John.  
Ah yes. John. Kayleigh still wasn’t sure why she’d made the effort to speak to him yesterday, as she could easily have taken her drink from the machine and left without him noticing. It wasn’t like he’d tried to speak to her at all during the last week, but others had commented that he was acting a bit different generally - taking more of an interest in what people were doing around the store rather than just taking notes - and that had piqued her curiosity.

In an unguarded moment the previous evening she’d mentioned what had happened to Steve and Mandy. Mandy had made the comment that Kayleigh was clearly the only grownup of the pair, which had been more annoying than helpful. Steve had simply said “Sounds like you miss him.” Kayleigh had dismissed the comment at the time but wasn’t sure he’d been entirely wrong.

What she did know was that it was nice to spend part of the trip to work sitting in Janine’s car rather than standing in the tram. And Janine was nice. But it wasn’t the same.

 

By 11 o’clock John’s stomach was both aching slightly and growling loudly - the now-familiar effects of the early starts - so he excused himself and went to the staff cafeteria to have his lunch. For the fifth day in a row he ate his sandwiches in an empty room, in complete silence. He often ate his lunch at a small table by himself, but usually in a room full of people and conversation where he still felt like a part of the group. Eating in an empty, silent room just made him feel like an outsider. Ten minutes later he was back at the desk.

Kayleigh’s day was flying by - plenty of customers, a bit of shmoozing, a few laughs along the way. She had found it odd that she hadn’t seen John all morning, and was briefly concerned when she noticed that the Fiat was gone at lunchtime but felt reassured after 2:00 when she spotted him in the bakery, deep in conversation with the supervisor.

At 3:30 Kayleigh and Elsie were having tea in the cafeteria when John appeared in the doorway. He waved to catch Elise’s attention then pointed to Kayleigh. Elise gave her a nudge and she turned to face him. He gave her a small wave then made four quick hand gestures. Kayleigh nodded and he left.

Elsie looked at Kayleigh, looked at the empty doorway than back to Kayleigh. “What was that?”  
“What was what?”  
“That... little puppet show.”  
“Oh - John is giving me a lift home tonight and was telling me when we’ll be leaving.”  
Elsie looked blankly at her.  
“Ok. This,” Kayleigh mimicked holding a steering wheel, “means the car.”  
“This,” she pointed to her wrist, “means the time.”  
“This,” she held up five fingers, “means 5 o’clock.”  
“And this,” she rocked her hand from side to side, “means ‘ish’.. Get it?”  
Elsie shook her head.  
“Be at the car, 5 o’clock-ish. Easy.”  
Else just sat there with her mouth open. “You two have your own secret language?”  
Kayleigh shook her head. “It’s like shorthand.” She smiled, said “Don’t forget your tea.” then got up and left.  
Elsie thought about this while she sipped her tea. “’It’s like shorthand’ my brown eye.” she thought. “You’ve got a way to talk to each other without being seen together. What are you up to?”

 

At 5 o’clock John was standing by the Fiat, listening to his stomach rumbling. He’d been unable to focus on his work for the last hour, and the small pieces of chocolate hadn’t been enough. He realised he would soon need to eat something substantial.  
At that moment Kayleigh emerged from the staff-only entrance. She waved when she saw him. “Hi - have you been waiting long?”  
“Only just got here myself.” Then his stomach growled again.  
She also heard it and her eyes widened. “Was that you?”  
“Yep - been doing it for ages. Thinks it’s dinner time already. Um, would you mind if we stopped on the way? I just need to eat something other than this.” He held up his last muesli bar.  
“I’m a bit peckish myself. Could we get something hot?”  
“How about a toastie? There’s a nice place not too far away.”  
“Oh yes.” More rumbling. John looked at his stomach. “Shut up, you.”


	9. Small talk and determination

Within fifteen minutes they were seated at the table in the far corner of the quiet cafe. John made short work of his ham and cheese sandwich and they were sipping their tea as the toasties arrived. Kayleigh got her cellphone out.  
“Are you taking pictures of your food?”  
“No - just letting Mandy know where I am.”  
John nodded and cut into his toastie, releasing steam and the distinctive smell of hot bacon. “Oh yes.”  
Kayleigh sent the text then started on her meal. “Good then?”  
“Mmmmm - needed this. I get a bit wobbly when I’ve been hungry for too long.”  
“How did that happen?”  
“Early start, early lunch, same home-time.”   
“I thought you weren’t on early starts now?”  
“I’m not. I... I forgot to change my alarm, then couldn’t get back to sleep, then decided to come in a bit early anyway, then got hungry so had my lunch early. But couldn’t leave early. Serves me right I guess.”  
“I was wondering what was going on. I saw your car when I got in but you were nowhere and then your car was gone at lunchtime. I thought you’d forgotten me and just left.”  
“I’d gone to a meeting with some suppliers and the work cars were out. It was easier to take mine rather than a taxi, plus I’d definitely get there on time.”  
“Oh right.”  
“Yeah.”

And just like that the conversation ran out. They sat in silence for a minute, each refilling their cups from the teapot and sipping quietly. Kayleigh noticed that John was looking intently at the teapot, his mouth slightly open and lips moving without saying anything. Then his mouth closed and he suddenly looked very determined.

“There’s something I want to say. About last week. In the car that morning and then the rest of it.”

“O... kay.” she replied.

“That morning when I went off - I had a pig of a headache and... that’s not it. I had no sleep and a bad head and... waiting annoys me, and... No.”

A pause.  
“I need to get this right in my head.”  
Another pause. Deep breath.

“OK. Here’s why what you said really got to me. You know - about managers doing little more than paperwork and making noise and lording it over people. I think it’s true. To a point.”

Another pause.

“The thing about being in management - ‘being there first, doing things better’ - there is an expectation from up-top that the managers should be almost a role model for everyone else, showing how things should be done, focusing on the job, doing it right first time, keeping it professional, good-enough isn’t good enough, and all the rest. All the ‘hoopty’ as you call it. But staff don’t buy into it.”

“I know what staff think of management in general. That we have no idea, that we could never do their job, we’d just get in the way, lots of noise and rules to cover up how little we seem to do. I know all of that. Because I’ve been one of the staff. I’ve done a lot of those jobs. That’s what people forget or never knew. Pushing trolleys, stacking shelves, sweeping up out the back, checkout work, cleaning up spills - all of it. And I’ve had brilliant managers and really shit ones, been treated well, been treated like a piece of equipment. When I got the chance to progress, to be a team leader with a bit more responsibility I tried to do that as well as what everyone else in the team was doing. And that worked well. But once I got promoted above a team leader, closer to management than the people doing ‘real’ work, the job became more about admin and sitting in an office and almost no hands-on work, and that’s when I saw the change in attitudes. The divide, the whole ‘us and them’ business. Once you’re seen as ‘management’, you’re seen as a paper pusher who does no work, there to take the credit and push people around just because you can. But the job is still important, it still needs to be done.”

“And I know that sounds like ‘We’re all on the same team’ - more ‘hoopty’ - but without us the place can’t operate. I’m not talking about stocking shelves and selling to customers and working checkouts and whatever. If we don’t do our jobs, then there isn’t a business to work in. Policies and rules and regulations come in from all over, and we have to prove that we’re meeting all the requirements. You know, if we can’t prove that the store is safe for customers and staff then maybe the store will be closed until we make it safe. And if the store is closed then maybe people don’t get paid.”

“So yeah - there are some days - a lot of days - when my only ‘achievement’ was that I made sure the store stayed open and people kept their jobs. Some of whom might have spent part of that same day saying that all managers are a waste of fucking space.”

He looked deflated. “Oh, I’m just ranting now.” He sipped his tea, deliberately looking at the table rather than directly at her.

Kayleigh hadn’t spoken, had barely moved while John had been talking, not wanting to interrupt. When she realised he was done, she quietly asked “So how did you end up doing different hours all over the place?”

John looked up. “Dave happened to mention it that first morning. It’s a regular thing where managers fill in when stores are setting up early in the mornings - a bit like being a relieving teacher at school. I didn’t think about it at the time, but after those four days...” He shook his head. “I asked Dave to put me forward for the early starts and it was all go from the Monday.”

“But why do it at all?”

“I knew it was my fault, that first morning. And I wanted to explain, but you didn’t want to talk, and then I made you late because I was on the phone... I just wanted to go away, to escape, really. But there was no way that Dave would have given me time off just like that, so the early starts looked like my only way out.”  
“Away from me, you mean?”  
“Away... from the situation with you, yes. Before I made things worse.”

Kayleigh thought about that.

“The other part of doing it - making myself available for work stuff - will hopefully get me noticed for training or a chance to do some different things. Guess I’ll have to wait and see about that.”

They spent the next few minutes finishing their tea in silence, then John glanced at the clock on the wall behind Kayleigh. “Hey - we’d better get moving or the staff might decide we’re homeless and chuck us out.”  
“How likely is that?”  
“Don’t know - this is Manchester after all.”


	10. Honesty

Forever FM was the only sound in the car as they drove to Bury, each lost in their own thoughts. Kayleigh was still working through everything John had said, while John was wondering why he didn’t feel any sense of relief having been as honest as he’d dared with Kayleigh. There was no sign of Steve when they pulled up outside the small Bury house - to Kayleigh’s relief as she wasn’t yet ready to share John with anyone else.  
“John, there’s something I don’t understand.”  
“What’s that?”  
“Why four bad days was enough to make you react in that way.”  
“It wasn’t just those four days.”  
John stopped the engine and looked at her.

“Once I started work I felt grown-up and responsible, felt I was getting on with life. But then I started seeing other people really making progress and it felt like I was being left behind, wondering if I was actually getting anywhere. I guess that’s part of growing up, but it felt like the only thing that was happening was that I was getting older. Turns out I couldn’t keep a relationship going to save my life either so it felt like all I had was my job. And when Dad died I just felt lost.   
I saw a counsellor a couple of times afterwards. Those big talks with Dad had always helped get my head right about things, but with him gone and everyone just so... sad... I didn’t want to burden them with anything else.”

“You saw a counsellor?”  
“Yes - before I came back to work. She were really good, helped me a lot.” He paused, looking thoughtful. “Please don’t tell anyone.”  
“I won’t.”

“Anyway - I’ve been thinking a lot more more about what I’m doing, and sometimes why I’m even bothering. Mainly after Litchy got store manager. I’m not saying he didn’t deserve it but he is younger than me with less experience and yet he’s ahead of where I am, where I could be. Twenty two years in the place and I’m only now being given a chance to show what I can do, just so that I might be considered for promotion at some point.”  
He paused, clearly annoyed.  
“So all that had been on my mind for a while...”  
He sighed and looked down.  
“...and then I messed up and my friend wouldn’t speak to me for four days.”  
He looked at her.  
“And I’m sorry about all of it.”  
She touched his arm. “I know.”

Mandy and Steve had been surprised to get Kayleigh’s text saying John would be dropping her home and it would be a little later than usual. Mandy had been at the window when the Fiat pulled up outside, and remained there as the minutes continued to pass.   
“What’s going on?” asked Steve.  
“Nothing. They’re just sitting there... oh here we go” reported Mandy as she watched Kayleigh close the passenger door and wave as the Fiat drove away. Her expression was calm and reflective when she walked in the door, becoming almost contented when she sat down.  
“Well?” asked Mandy. “How did it go?”  
“Really well. We started talking before we left work, when we stopped along the way, outside just now - some of the most honest conversations I’ve had with any man. With anyone. Ever.”  
“Wow. Do you want to talk about it? Please say yes.”  
Kayleigh smiled. “Yes. But not now - after dinner. That toastie wasn’t quite enough.”  
“What toastie? And where are ours?”

Once the dinner plates had been cleared, the children set themselves up in front of the TV while the adults sat at the table. Kayleigh looked at Steve and said “It’s all right Steve - you don’t need to stay for this” to which he replied “Bless you love” and headed outside. The sisters laughed.

“Right then,” said Mandy, “where do you want to start?”  
“With some wine, I think.”

About 20 minutes later John received a text.  
“I’m still going in with Janine but can I get lifts home with you until you start your weird hours again?”  
“Not a bother. See you at work on Monday. Goodnight”  
“Goodnight John”

John smiled at her message, then turned his attention back to his dinner. Once he’d finished he picked up a pen and notepad and continued writing his weekend to-do list, adding ‘groceries’, ‘clean bathroom’, ‘tidy car’ and ‘thank Paul’.


	11. The day after

Kayleigh’s ‘some wine’ the night before had turned into five or six glasses each while they talked, and they’d ended up going to bed long after the rest of the family. When Kayleigh woke she was surprised by both how good she felt and how quiet it was. She put on her dressing gown and gingerly went down the stairs. “Hello?”  
“Hiya,” replied Mandy from the kitchen, “how are you feeling?”  
“Good. Tired though. You?”  
“Same.” She handed Kayleigh a plate with toast on it and pointed to the table. “Tea?”  
“Please. Um - where is everyone? Did we frighten them away?”  
Mandy smiled. “No - Steve thought we might be a bit fragile this morning so he got the kids up and said he’d take them... somewhere, to do... something or other.”  
Kayleigh looked at her with a confused expression.  
“I wasn’t really awake,” Mandy continued, “but I’m fairly sure he said they’ll be back in a few hours with something for lunch.”  
“That’s a really nice thing to do.”  
“Most likely repaying the favour.” Mandy said. “You saved him from having to stay and listen to us going on last night, he’s saved us from having to endure the usual Saturday-morning madness. It worked out really well.”

While Kayleigh was finishing her toast she noticed that Mandy was frowning slightly and glancing in her direction. “What?” she asked.  
Mandy put her tea down. “I’ve remembered what I was going to say last night.”  
“Go on then.”  
“You like John. A lot.”  
“Yes I do.”  
“You just happened to be paired up for car sharing and it turned out that you get along and you have fun on the drive to and from work.”  
“Yes.”  
“He’s a friend at work, and you swap texts after work.”  
“Sure.”   
“The same friend who thought the best way to sort out an argument was to stay away from you completely for a week.”  
“Right...”  
“The same John who possibly hasn’t had many girlfriends but has sworn off women altogether. He’s happy on his own, he’ll never get married and all women are nuts.”  
“Yes...”  
“Do you think that maybe there’s no point liking him too much?”  
“Mand...”  
“He obviously likes you. From what you said, he was really honest yesterday and told you something presumably very personal, so he clearly trusts you. That’s really special. But you both want different things. Basically, what you want - he doesn’t want, at all.”  
“I know, but...”  
“And don’t forget about all the lovelies that had eyes for our Keiron, until they realised that all he really wanted was to get into the Army and see the world and have adventures and whatever. He was always up-front with them about that, but they still got hurt.”

Kayleigh looked Mandy in the eye. “I know, Mand. I know all that. And I haven’t given up on finding someone who will want the same things I want. But right now I’m enjoying spending time with someone who is funny and kind because that’s who he is, not because he expects something in return.”

Mandy returned the look and slowly nodded. “Okay then.”

Having finished breakfast they cleared away the dishes then took it in turns to shower. Kayleigh particularly enjoyed the relative luxury of having an extended shower with the certainty that no one was going to burst in. While getting dressed she thought some more about the conversations with both John and Mandy, then sent a text to John and went back downstairs.

 

John had been awake for hours. He’d thought through everything he’d said to her yesterday, initially critiquing it but then feeling an odd sense of pride for having been able to say what needed to be said. There had been the brief moment of panic when he remembered just how quickly it seemed they had nothing to say, and then the sense of vulnerability when he recalled more of it - the counsellor, specifically - and now his nerves were on edge and he didn’t really know what to think.  
And then her text arrived.

“Thank you for the conversation, thank you so much for trusting me, see you Monday xx”

And with that the tension was gone.


	12. Nearly normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The following Tuesday evening

They were half-way to Bury when a thought occurred to Kayleigh. “If you’re back on silly-starts tomorrow, how is it that you’re not driving one of the work cars?”  
“It was being serviced today. Mark’ll drop it by in the next couple of hours.”  
“Oh right.” 

She counted silently to five.  
“So... I saw the flyer in the cafeteria today confirming the date for the work do. I’m really looking forward to it. I love the dressing-up part of it all.”  
“Hmm.”  
“Did you go to it last year?”  
“Yeah.”  
“I don’t remember seeing you there . What did you go as?”  
“I went as an assistant manager of a supermarket who had to be there, and went mainly for the meal.”  
She smiled. “So what did you think of it?”  
“The meal?”  
“All of it. The meal, the night. Everything.”  
“It was all right. I would have preferred to stay at home but it’s a Dave Thompson requirement that every manager has to be at certain events unless you have a really good reason not to be there. I think that even having the plague wouldn’t be a good-enough excuse unless you turned up with a doctor’s certificate.”  
He sniffed. “I had offered to work late but Dave got Head Office approval to close the store early. Doing the same this year as well, so I’m stuck with it.”  
“So if you have to go anyway...”  
“I’ll give you a lift there, no bother.”  
“Thanks.” 

She counted silently to five again. “Will you go in costume?”  
“I have to, and have to make an effort this time. I suggested that I could go as assistant manager of a shoe shop or book shop, or as an accountant, but Dave wasn’t having it.” He scratched his chin. “Something simple, no faffing - could get a boiler suit and dirty boots and go as a mechanic or gardener, I guess.”

She counted silently to five again. “Since we’re both going, would you consider going as a pair?”  
“I suppose so. Um - haven’t you always wanted to dress up as Madonna for this sort of thing?”  
She nodded. “Yeah - I thought that going in her cone-bra outfit could be fun.”   
John took a moment to consider that image. “What would I go as then? I can’t really pass for Sean Penn or Guy Ritchie.”  
“I know,” she giggled, “I’ll go as Madonna and you go as one of the backing dancers!”  
John looked horrified as a completely different image entered his mind. “Not a chance!”


End file.
